“Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person.” - Gerard Way
The beat is racing as the next song approaches. The smoke is clearing as the mic is switched on. A small echo fills the room from my forefinger ring touching the microphone. I can see the stairs waiting patiently, much like the audience. They're not here to see or hear me. Maybe one person is. I'm not nervous to entertain, I've done it before. I'm nervous to see her stunning eyes watching me. As I look at the converse plastic touching the timber of each step leading me closer to the stage I think about a million things in less than one minute. I have too many thoughts to try and make sense of one single idea. This weird feeling commences. What is it? I'm nervous and scared, anxious and sick. I reach for the bottle. This always cures everything. One sip doesn't cloud the emotions, the tense feeling grows. The sip becomes a mass consumption of two bottles in less than a minute.
It's gone. I'm alright now.
As I stood on the stage that night, the world was not there. Just her. Those amazing eyes and the cheeky smile that drew me to her all those years ago. It was then that I remember the first time she saw me perform, at this moment I realised how hard it must have been to listen to the 'music' I was making in my band. Still, she was supportive and never put me down about it.
As the night went on, people did not appear, the attention was only between two people. The biggest part of me knew this was too good to last, so I had to enjoy it while I had it. In each moment we experience in life, one of 2 things can happen. You either remember it forever or you forget it shortly after it has ended. I have forgotten so many moments in my current relationship, I could honestly list 2 moment I remember, and they would be very vagues.
Those moments from her and I in the past resonate with me forever as each of them ended with me holding her. My face buried inside the curls.