I sat in my car and thought to myself that I need to shake off the "why's" and the "what if's" and rid myself of confusion. Whatever was - is in the past. Whatever is. That’s what's important. The past is a brief reflection, and the future is yet to be realized. Even after all our mistakes and ups and downs I am excited to know that i simply dont know. It's scary to think that if only a few small things changed, the whole future would be different. Instead of sitting in my room alone wondering if I will ever meet someone like her again, with one small difference in our story she could be laying next to me asleep while I mark homework or type out reports for my students.
It's hard to accept, but you can't change the past. You can't go back and manipulate things to the way you wanted them to happen. If we could llife would be meaningless and boring and just not worth living. But you can change the future and that's a beautiful thing about life. Yes, she did make mistakes, yes I made mistakes. And yes, we did have bad days - but as long as we let the past go, we could have such a gorgeous and bright future ahead of us. Knowing that things were meant to happen. Knowing that each day you will learn something so that you keep growing to be a better person. Life is like a rope, twined in all its complexities and yet weaved into one marvelous stream that you have the chance you use something amazing from. I always say grab hold of it, but what if you can't?
Seeing her with him left me no rop. I lost it. Simply just lost it. I should have taken my friends' advice and instead I sent her abusive messages, awaiting a reply. I did not recieve a reply to my messages until the next day. What kind of conclusion would you draw if you saw the girl you loved with another man, and your attempts to contact her were unsuccessful. Whoever you are, you cannot help but think of the worst case scenario. So what does one do when there is a 24hour gap between communication. The messages in her return communication stated that she had not seen him. Again another lie. My mind was thiking the worst. I prepared to have my heart handed to me. I started to prepare and make people aware of the situation, well not the actual facts but the fact that we were on the way out, because thats what I thought her actions meant.
I went out that night......it was a Thursday...
"Im circling every thought, my reason has awoken.
Lost buried in my fears, the overwhelming taste of sweet bitter tears.
Deafening are my thoughts, The one thing that I know is where im coming from.
Given the chance to fly, take hold of me
Coz im sorry, im still sorry
Im still learning to give you away"
Voice they pass me by....to BE CONTINUED
Maggie, Thursday 22nd OCTOBER:::Ministry of Sound Presents: BANGGANG & MikiMash. 7:30 UNIBaR. He will be alone, and looking into the crowd again....I know I will see nothing....but it doesnt hurt to dream x