Monday, August 17, 2009

Too perfect for the pure white

"The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart." - Helen Keller
Spending time with her made me feel. The emotion was uncontroled, undeniable and unpredictable. Amazing things rarely appear, they are like miracles. Only believed by a fair few and experienced rarely. This feeling of simple closeness was impossible to explain with mere words, but emersion in it was the closest to heaven a human could experience.

We spent many days together, many nights. I was confident when I asked her to be one, the answer would be one also. However it was all but that. I asked her to be mine and she did not want to rush into the formality of a title. For me it felt as though it was an obvious step, and if i really meant that much to her then a simple title between us would not change anything. Unfortunately it changed us. She immediately turned cold and distant and suggested we go our seperate way. She felt we were rushing things and it was best for both of us to forget about this. She collected her things and left me on valentines night, the sweet irony.

I was devastated and destraught by the sudden turn we had encountered, She left me at home with tears, dwelling in thought wondering what i did wrong. Maybe I cared too much? Maybe this was her way of getting back at me for what happened when we were teenagers. Goodbye is a horrible concept. It is something that drains your every emotion it taps in to every fibre of your being. Sometimes the mind escapes to a moment when the connection between us felt unbreakable. You feel justified in the pain and dwelling in it feels right because since love has left pain has replaced the gap where that feeling once lived. The relationship that was once a shield from the world you hated now becomes the bullet hurting you and the push towards the horrible world yet again.

She and I are very stubourn people, and at this point in our story we both had not seen a way to overcome our personality trait. After she left I had not heard from her for a few days, properly anyways. Everything was single word text messages. So i gave up for now. Lost in a deadly feeling i began to let her go. Our goodbyes have been a feeling ive always hated. I never want to experience it, and still it kills me. My love for her was neverending, and I still feel it. Ive never stopped. The love was perfect and i worked for it to last, she looked for flaws in it to escape it. She may disagree, but it's just what i felt, it is just what i feel.

"Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away." - Dorothy Parker

One afternoon I was at University studying when my phone flashed blue. It meant i received a text message. My heart missed a beat as i read it....


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