Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Chrome buttons, windows and plastic surfaces

"True love never dies for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away."
-Alicia Barnhart

Rarely a day passes me by that i don't think my life's " what if's ".
I always ensure my closest friends that living life with "what if" questions is a life half lived, much like a life without love. Corny i know! My feelings on this blog vary due to my day to day experiences. Today from my desk I people watched. From my quiet little work space i can see outside to the main street of Wollongong. As i looked out for a brief moment on to Burelli street, Wollongong I noticed sprinkles of rain beginning to fall. For some reason my attention was drawn to the corner of the street where an elderly couple were standing at the traffic lights waiting to cross the road. As the rain begin to fall, without a moment's despair the elderly man looked up at the sky, motioned his left hand in a palm shape to collect feeling from drops falling. He then promptly wiped his hand on his pants and quickly removed his jacket. I was drawn in to this sight like a fish swims towards a worm on a hook, i could not stop myself and my curiousity away. I had to see why he was taking his jacket off. Within a moment of removing his jacket he placed it around the other elderly woman and covered her back and head as they quickly crossed the road and dissapeared from my sight. It is fair to say that sight warmed my heart. True love,like the kind you read about in romance novels.

The truth is i didnt want to walk away again, i was not ready. When we said 'where do we go from here' i became nervous awaiting her response. Her eyes circled the ground and she bit her lip, ever so gently. I started to fidget and click my fingers, as I do when im nervous. She looked up in to my eyes and said 'i want to see you again'. I agreed grabbed her hand and gave her a soft goodbye kiss on her cheek as she walked away with her two friends. I approached my friend's car to pack away my things, i still remember his words...he simply said "dude, you are glowing!" I was, i could not deny that. I would every timei was in her presence, and she would do. Rosy cheeks were her trademark of choice. It's funny that the small things you just know exist, are the things you miss so much when you can't just have them near.

As we were driving home, i remember been on autopilot talking to my friend about various things, none of which i remember. All i remember was the feeling of anticipation when suddnely my phone beeped. It was her name on my screen. My stomach twisted, unaware of the content of this message. Could this be good? Could this be a 'i made a mistake' message? I opened the message, making sure i read every word carefully. As i commenced reading it i felt the car stop, i looked out and realised we had arrived at my house. MY friend and i said goodbye as i retrieved my gear from the rear of his car and proceeded to walk towards my front door. I remembered to check my phone and began reading the text message she had sent me. It was a request to see me right now. The request to drive to her house made my heart flutter. Without thinking i motioned towards my car, unlocked it, threw my gear in the back of my car and started the motor.

I quickly drove to her house, i put on a CD filled with songs that would later become the soundtrack to our love. As i listened to each song on the journey to her house i curiously questioned myself how i would feel to be sitting next to her again, how i would feel to know she loved me. What will happen?

As i arrived in front of her house, i turned my lights off and messaged her "im here". I patiently waited in my car for a reply, unfortunately i could hear my own heart beat from my nervousness. After about two minutes i received a text message reply reading " i will be out in a moment..." I continued to wait and in about 4 to 6 minutes she walked towards my car, exiting her house from the left of herhouse, which was the entry of her back/side yard. She ran out in a beautiful silk night gown, that i could barely see due to the fact it was nearly 4:30am. She walked around to the passanger side of my car and entered the car slowly. She looked at me with a school girl smile, grinned and simply said "Hi!". I said "Hello", with a nervous quiver in my voice that derived from my heart.

We began chatting about the night and although i was still nervous and still curious about weather or not this was real, it felt like nothing had changed in the years past. Upon talking we went on to expand on both of our adventures and acheivements since we last spoke. The look in her eye made me feel warm, but also displayed a concerning hollowness for something, I felt i needed to find out what that was. As we spoke I noted in the backdrop of her neighbourhood, which was surrounded by single level middle class homes, the sun beginning to shine some light in the sky.Unfortunatelly due to my University commitments i had to leave and return home, in order to attend my lecture at Uni.

I told her i had to leave, we both accepted it but knew it was not what we wanted. She kissed me on the cheek and began to motion towards the door, before she exited my car I asked her something. It took me every ounce of my willpower to work up the courage to ask this. I asked her to sit still for one more minute. I felt like this dream was fading, i had to capture the moment, as she closed the door and moved towards me yet again I looked her in the eyes, and found her hand in the slight darkness which was fading due to the sun. I held her tight and gathered the words to ask her...

“Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.” Oscar Wilde

to be continued.

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